A few weeks ago, I mentioned an idea I was workshopping. That is, coming up with my own phrase for what I’m calling the soon-upon-us Empty Nest stage of life.

I’ve heard authors and podcasters I follow discuss at length the somewhat negative and depressing connotation of using the words “empty” to describe the nest. It feels lonely, vacant, lacking, and destitute. Coming to terms with all of the kids being mostly out of the house and into their own young adulthood era of adventure is already difficult enough without associating it with such a barren description.

Instead, these authors have coined phrases like the Open Door, the Road Show, or the Free Bird stage. I see their rationale, but none of these have struck a personal cord with me so I wanted to think about what I might like instead.

Over the past year, I have faithfully been listening to Amy Poehler’s podcast, Good Hang. It’s delightful, leaves me happier after hearing it, and often invokes not only laughter, but tons of pop culture moments I’m very familiar with. She frequently has guests on there from popular TV shows and movies I’ve watched, tons of Saturday Night Live alums, and the contents of nearly every episode regularly point out the comedic training of the guest.

All of this is my niche. I’ve been a lifer for sketch comedy, and most of my favorite shows involve actors who were trained in the art of improv. One of the foundational tactics of this kind of humor is the delivery of the Yes, And rule. A quick Google search defines Yes, And in the following way: “It encourages performers to accept the reality presented by their scene partner and then expand upon that idea, which fosters collaboration and spontaneous creativity.”

The “Yes, and…” rule has two key components:

• “Yes” (Acceptance): This part requires an improviser to accept the basic premise or “offer” introduced by another person, rather than rejecting it (denial). This prevents the scene from stalling and ensures the shared reality keeps moving forward.
• “And” (Expansion/Contribution): This part obligates the improviser to add new information or a twist to the narrative, building upon what was just accepted. It is about contributing meaningfully to the shared creation, not just agreeing passively. 

Now, why don’t you go back and re-read that through the lens of being a parent of emerging young adult children, trying to figure out your place in this potentially unfamiliar and uncomfortable stage?

Um, this nails it perfectly. Right?

Yes- I am accepting the role of being an observer and encourager rather than the primary influencer and doer in my kids’ lives. I am not in denial that things are changing and different from how I’ve grown used to them being. I don’t want there to be any stalling of their growth, opportunities, and independence– nor my own. The shared reality keeps moving forward.

And- This part obliges the improvising parent to add new information and a twist to the narrative… building upon what was just accepted. There’s meaningful contribution, shared creation, and active agreement within the parent and young adult relationship.

I see implications for this beyond the parent and young adult connection, however. I foresee this as a way to also embrace a lot of new experiences as I begin to grapple with extra time and energy bandwidth I’ll have for myself. I envision this as a personal mantra for embracing my own new adventures. I think this will precisely encapsulate what I want my heart posture to be as I turn 50 and consider how I’ll spend the next four or five decades of life.

The beauty of the Yes, And… is that you don’t even have to wait for a specific time in life to adopt it. I mean, isn’t life one big improvisational stage we’re all living on? Whether we like it or admit it or not, aren’t we all living in a Divine Comedy? Our days, decisions, and souls journeying toward God in our travels through life?

I want to be fully committed. I want to fully embrace and get comfortable with discomfort. I want to go with the flow and not take myself or life so seriously.

I guess what I’m getting at is that in my Yes, And era, perhaps more than any other in my life, I want to be the girl who knows how to roll with it a little more than I have up to this point. I want all of the awkwardness, courage, collaboration, experience, adaptability, and lightness of humor that I can muster.