This post originally appeared on Substack in October of 2023.

For the last few years, I’ve been practicing a tactic when I feel stuck. I give myself a pep-talk. As an external processor, I need to get my thoughts and feelings out. Also, I am working to listen to my heart and mind and improve trusting my own inner guidance.

Writing helps, but I also take to my phone’s voice memo app. I record kind of a brain dump, or rather, an emotional dump. Nothing is off limits and that alone usually cures many of my ills.

However, I take this practice a step further by making a transition in what I’m saying. I pretend I’ve just heard all of these things from a friend and I respond with practical advice and steps gently, gracefully, and lovingly. I don’t beat around the bush. I get right to it. The answer is usually right in front of me.

Why as women do we show that kindness to a friend but struggle mightily to show it to ourselves? In this exercise, I try to take my own advice to make changes or realign my behaviors and mindset.

As October was winding down, I had one of these “therapy sessions” with myself. Here’s how it went.

The Problem

I don’t know about you, but near the end of every October and at the start of every November I start to slide into an almost dread-like feeling.

I can easily identify why. There are three big culprits.

The Culprits

The Frenzy

As an introvert and someone with high sensitivity, the upcoming deluge of holidays, treats, shopping, consumption, and the frenzy of (mostly self-imposed) expectations starts to feel oppressive. I worry I won’t have the steam or the downtime to maintain the necessary energy and oomph for two straight months. There’s Halloween, two of our kids’ birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Many years we end up making two long trips home during a period of only a few weeks. All good things, but all things that take conception, planning, and execution.

The Darkness

I also feel the dread because the days, and therefore daylight, begin to shorten. Darkness falls earlier and earlier during the months of November and December. I am outside less. My walking routines begin to change. I’m no longer getting adequate fresh air, sunlight, or movement. With an uptick in other more pressing needs (see number 1), a vicious cycle begins of less movement and more tiredness. I reach for more indulgent foods. Celebrations abound. And on and on it goes.

The Good Ole Days

Finally, during these months, my “nostalgia” peaks and I begin to believe the lie that my best years, my best parenting, and my best times with the kids are indeed behind me. I feel a longing for the past when I see all of my TimeHop or Facebook memories that show me Halloween costumes, turkey crafts, and matching Christmas PJs. A lie, I know, but I do feel this is a significant contributing factor as a parent in a season of a lot of transition with kids’ leaving the nest.

Once I was able to articulate all of that in my phone’s voice memo app, it was time to give that practical advice with tangible steps to shake myself out of my funk.

The Advice

White Space

I do have steam. It comes in the form of me taking full responsibility and control of my calendar. I normally keep a pretty full schedule so when the holidays approach and more gets added in the reality is that some other things have to get cut. I targeted three things I can say no to over the next two months so that I can say yes to enjoying the extra holiday stuff.

In addition to the intentional white space and margin I’m bringing back to my calendar, I am also looking for places to add white space to our home by clearing clutter. This week I put away several small collections I had sitting out like my brass candlesticks on my dining room buffet, my brass bells on my entry desk, and even all of the items I had on the fridge are now stored. Reducing visual clutter before adding in all of the holiday decor has been a good move for me.

This solution came in the form of taking ownership of small tweaks.

Movement

I can move and get outside. This comes in the form of making sure that one of my non-negotiables EVERY day is movement. It doesn’t have to look the same each day, but I have a variety of opportunities for exercise. I can walk alone or with my neighbor in my neighborhood. I have access to several trails nearby. I have a gym membership.

There’s a great quote that says, “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing.” For this reason, I have ordered myself a heavy, all-weather, coat with a hood for getting outside when it is cold. I have hats, wool gloves, and socks (thanks to my sister-in-law, Julie).

This solution came in the form of a quick order to LL Bean for a warm winter coat.

Be Here Now

“Be Here Now” is actually one of the tenets of this year’s MOPS theme and it was a good mantra for me when it comes to all of the conflicting feelings I have when I realize how quickly the little kid years flew by and how I now am confronting the discomforts of the nest-leaving years.

So in a practical way, I am limiting myself on the long trips down memory lane. I am leaning into new traditions and experiences, focusing on the delight of getting to do fun things with older kids that we couldn’t do when they were little. I am also going to keep documenting with photos (even if I don’t always post them on social media). Record-keeping and memory making/preserving is something that is important to me so even if kids don’t want our/their business all over Instagram I can still capture our moments for myself.

A solution came in the form of a decision to shift my mindset.

So that’s that. The entire voice memo/pep-talk process took about 13 minutes. In nearly an instant I felt my mindset and outlook for the coming months improve. Let me know in the comments if you have any struggles with the holiday season and how you overcome them.